It irks me...

My sister recently introduced me to a violinist on YouTube.
She said she wants to listen to it as she sleeps.

..and so she played Sun Jung Ahn's Someone Like You (or, perhaps another song, I don't remember because after listening to the first, I was exploring more of his other songs).

He's amazing and inspiring.
In fact, I like him more than Jung Sung Ha because, I guess because the violin just fishes out more emotion than the guitar.

Or maybe I just like him more now because the covers of him that I've listened to just hits the spot, and so far, his rendition of Christina Perri's A Thousand Years really hits the spot. Musicians like him really make songs alive.

..and it just irks me when I want to make a purchase of his album, but it's only available on iTunes. It irks me that I'm not working yet.

I do have a credit card. But I don't find the pleasure of using it for anything much other than New Year clothes.. because I know it'll corrupt me, because I know I can't live off of my dad forever, because I know that these little expenses will one day become an addiction and turn into a mountain of expenses. Not a very nice thing to do.

The other day I went out with a couple of friends and when one of them was sending me home, we talked about how ambitious we are.

She said she really wants to buy a house. I admire her. She's competitive. She wants to earn a lot of money. She's ambitious.

I am not. I am not envious of her either.

To me.. I just want a nice husband that can understand me, that can laugh with me, that can accompany me through my sadness. Someone I can live together with for the rest of my life, and as it comes, I do want my own place to live, but a cozy apartment is enough. I want to be able to have a credit card that allows me all those little expenses I like. I want to be able to travel around the world. I want to be able to feed myself. I want to be able to give my parents, my grandmother allowances.. even if it would all be incomparable to all the allowances they have given me all my life. I want to have time to spend with my loved ones, my family, my friends. I want to invite my friends over to my apartment and we can just have a little escape for a day or a few hours, catching up, watching movies together, eating ice cream, talking, playing games.. a nice hang out. I want to be able to pay for all my meals. I want everyone around me to be happy. I want to be able to make donations to charity, temple, church, through UNICEF to anyone that needs it.

..and that all sounds so meh? People usually want to live in bungalows, drive fantabulous cars, own LCD screen TVs, ...we want to own a lot of things. Even me, who am I to say no if these things were meant to be for me? I'm not a saint. I have my greeds.

But my threshold for happiness, the threshold to just make me feel happy is that simple. The threshold whereby I can just feel happy sitting on some bench and talking with a loved one for hours.

Do you think that's simple to achieve?

:)

heart beats fast
colors and promises
how to be brave
how can you love when you're afraid to fall

*I have died everyday waiting for you
darling don't be afraid I have loved you
for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

be brave
don't let anything take away
what's meant to stand in front of you
every breathe, every hour has come to this
one step closer

believe that you will be found
time will bring your heart
to the right one

*I believe that these will be the words echoed to you

once you've met the right person.

Love, because you're loved.